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Hysterical video....Evolution of Dance!! |
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Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies. (unknown) |
| The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy....Helen Hayes (at 73) |
| The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket |
| Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai. |
| They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. |
| Mine isn't all that communicative, but I heard from it the other day after I said, |
| "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" |
| Clear as a bell, my body said, |
| "Listen fatty....do it and die!" |
| Amazing!! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks 2 sizes! |
| Now I lay me down to sleep, |
| I pray the Lord my shape to keep. |
| Please no wrinkles, please no bags, |
| please lift my butt before it sags. |
| Please no age spots, please no gray, |
| as for my belly, please take it away. |
| Please keep me healthy, please keep me young, |
| and thank you Lord for all you've done. |
| Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart....Caryn Leschen |
| Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission....Eleanor Toosevelt |
| Old age ain't no place for sissies....Bette Davis |
| One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: |
| "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts." |
| No man or woman is worth your tears, |
| and the one who is, won't make you cry. |
| The greatest regrets in life....are risks not taken. |
| Always remember...the toes you step on today, |
| may be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow! |
| Life is tough....it's tougher if you're stupid. |
| Never frown, even when you're sad. |
| You never know who's falling in love with your smile. |
| Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. |
| Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, |
| but by the moments that take our breath away. |
| If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. |
| Dear Lord, |
| I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; |
| Love to forgive him, |
| And Patience for his moods. |
| Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, |
| I'll beat him to death. |
| AMEN |
| He who laughs last, thinks slowest. |
| "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of |
| the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed |
| the lawn like this?" |
| "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. |
| If you think nobody cares, miss some payments. |
| A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. |
| "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" |
| "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. |
| There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'." |
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